9 tips from a practising psychologist on how to love a woman. All on the merits and based on a lot of family scandals and divorces:
Men are unpretentious creatures in the emotional sphere, a normal guy can endure a lot for the sake of a pretty companion who likes him and sex. Women are more demanding, but a number of keys are also suitable for them. If you are a man and you have bothered to read this guide — you are already halfway to success.
1. Align your social roles with her
There are women with the Jewish mom complex. There are girls-eternal-children. There are girls-girls and their own guys in skirts. There are department heads who can’t make coffee. There are clinically insecure models and charming plain girls who are the envy of everyone. There are smart modest socialites and sociable fools with a doctorate degrees. You need a woman with whom you have the same understanding of social roles, yours and hers.
There is no shame when a girl offers: you dress me and pay my rent, I run the house and don’t refuse you a bed — and you agree. There’s nothing wrong with her warning me that I’m determined to raise children and quit my job, plus I need a babysitter to get enough sleep and look decent. This can be at least the option “let me write you my aunt’s apartment, learn Ruby and go naked, just hit me in the ass more often”. The only criterion for the acceptability of any relationship option is the consent of both parties.
The lion’s share of deep family conflicts is due to the following: the spouses did not expect from each other what the partner was ready to give, that is, at the beginning of the relationship, they simply did not agree on what kind of joint future they would create, and relied on intuition. And your intuition about people you haven’t known since you were a baby often goes awry. Therefore, make it clear what she is willing to give you and what she wants to get from you, relate it to your desires and draw conclusions about whether she is destined for you by fate or if there are only problems ahead. Such conversations are not” trading”, which is condemned by romantic stereotypes, but normal steps on the way to building a harmonious relationship. Allah will not give you marital happiness on a silver platter, but he has given you the brains and tongues to negotiate it.
2. Suggest a solution first
Gender-sensitive women are worried that someone will decide for them, take away their right to self-determination and put them at attention, and then it’s not even close to the wall. I’m not talking about that. This means a useful habit in situations where you need to make a choice, decide faster than it is, and offer your own option. This does not mean that your word is not discussed. It’s just that women don’t like mumblers. Even if they do, it’s mostly a mother’s instinct, and sooner or later a wife exhausted by constant decision-making will be tempted to fall for the bosom of an authoritarian bobsleigh coach. Bad dialogue: “Honey, let’s go out for dinner.”Whatever you say, my dear, I don’t care if I can even eat nails after these meetings in the central office. Good dialogue: “Honey, let’s go somewhere.”Come on, I just saw a new Ethiopian restaurant where black waiters in loincloths read Caste, don’t you think?”
3. Don’t go missing without warning
I understand that constant reports about what you do humiliate a free person. On the other hand, isn’t that what you do on Twitter? There’s some ancient secret curse here: as soon as you stay an hour longer than usual, do not pick up the phone, do not respond to messages for a long time — even the most sober-minded, cold-blooded, the phlegmatic woman begins to imagine in colours how you were swallowed by a snake, a truck ran over, a drunk chef beat a nutcracker to death, Vera Brezhnev drove by and, having fallen in love, took you away from her forever in a gold Cadillac. There’s nothing you can do about it. Women worry, it’s in their nature. The way out is to warn her that you can stay late and go offline, solving issues, even if the chances of this are slim.
4. Fix things in the house
The magic of driving in a nail and changing the gasket in a woman’s mixer is equivalent to the sacred thrill that the average man feels when he watches a mountain of dirty vegetables, bloody bones, and strange herbs turn into a delicious three-course meal in an hour. A male mechanic wants to worship —a desire immortalized in a classic porn story about plumbing. And even if your father and grandfather didn’t take you to the garage workbench as a child, looking at the manual online and trying to be a home craftsman is better than muttering “I do not know, somewhere there is an electrician’s phone mom wrote down on the wallpaper in the hallway.” Practical knowledge of how to cope with everyday life is part of male eroticism and is respected by those who are not given such things in principle or are not interested (most girls). The only better alternative is ” listen, take the money from the nightstand and order the toilet that you like, along with the installation, otherwise, I’m not as good at interior aesthetics as you are, and at the same time buy shoes for yourself in the shopping centre opposite.”
5. Be proactive and sensitive
Proactive is the opposite of reactive, meaning that you don’t react, but act ahead of time. Women are more likely than men to change their mood, and they attach more importance to things that a man would forget about in a minute. Therefore, monitor this sensitive system as if it were a delicate device that has a tangible effect on the weather, light, news, gossip, and anything else. As soon as a woman’s behaviour begins to deviate from the usual-the chatterbox is silent for a long time, the active one hangs in thought, the calm one breaks down on the dog, and the opinion leader comes out of the bathroom with a red eyes-ask if everything is all right, if something has happened, without waiting for her to yell “I’ve been depressed for three months If I’d died, you wouldn’t have noticed.” The idea that her mood is just as important to her partner as it is to her will keep a woman warm by itself. Then you might not even have to listen to passages like “Madonna turned 55, like my mom, mom looks so much worse, and I’ll be like this, you’ll leave me for a student”, “Chapik is sad, I read on the Internet, he probably has cancer” and “I just realized that I’m mediocre a nonentity, that explains everything.”
6. Criticize in a way that doesn’t look like criticism
Even if you get a not very smart specimen, and you can not leave her, because you hide from the shape of her legs and the smell of her lotion, you can correct the behaviour of your beloved for the better so as not to offend her and not cause retaliatory caustic statements in your address. Any good initiative with a dubious result is best praised first, and then carefully point out the shortcomings (initiatives, in no case women). Bad example: “The whole office was laughing at me today because of your lopsided sushi. They ordered normal ones, replaced them with yours and played the courier, the boy almost had a stroke.” A good example: “Very tasty apple pie, I ate all of it! No, no, I’m not puffed up from dissatisfaction, I’m just allergic! Can you do the same next time, but with a pear? You’re so good!”
7. Show small signs of attention, even if you’re too lazy
You think flowers are a waste of money, but she loves them? Step on your own throat (women despise cheapskates) and buy gerbera at least once a week. You have a hundred rubles ‘worth of expenses, and she has a thousand rubles’ worth of joy. Get used to giving small gifts for no reason, and over time, the very fact of giving will bring you the same pleasure as the fact of receiving. Small signs of attention also include remembering-and a more realistic step, writing down in the phone calendar-all the dates that she considers important. The day you met, the day of your first date, the day you moved in together, the day you proposed to her, the wedding day, the children’s birthdays, her mom’s, her puppy’s, her name day, Valentine’s Day, finally. Always have on hand some decent gift, at the very least, a perfume chain certificate (you know how much decent perfumes cost, right? $ 80), it will save you a lot of nerves.
8. Praise her appearance, even if you’re lying.
The standards of our society assume that a woman should look good, and this attitude penetrates the consciousness of all girls — even yours, who snorts at the mention of fashion and pushes carts about feminism with her hands akimbo at the opera. I understand that a new haircut, and even more so, a new style or a bracelet that she chose for four hours, is difficult to notice against the background of the crisis around Syria, the volatility of the options market and other important things. But you must try. If she has an innate taste and dresses so casually that you can’t tell her pastel cardigans apart, set yourself a recurring reminder to compliment her, encoded with something like ” take vitamins.” If she bought the most vulgar scarlet cabaret skirt, tights in a large mesh, in which each of her legs looks like Jamon in a string bag, and is going to go with you to the buffet of the bar association, refrain from harsh statements. Bad example: “I see you’ve finally worked up the courage to go to a sex shop.” A good example: “Wow, how brave, you will seduce all my colleagues, I will go crazy with jealousy, don’t be so cruel to me. But I see a cool black dress, we went to the dance with you, remember how wonderful it was?..”. Remember: any change in appearance indicates a desire to please you, so in general it is positive, even if sometimes you are drawn to put a bag on her head. And the confidence that she gets you to like her directly affects her looseness in sex.
9. Identify things you’ll never do
This is somewhat similar to point 1, but there are nuances. A number of things seem small to you, not even worth mentioning, and they make her shiver, and vice versa. Therefore, mark these points of yours right away, setting up your fanaberies as you like: childhood trauma, allergies, I get irritable from this, it makes me unhappy, the voices in my head do not tell me to. And I will NEVER carry your purse, walk your Pomeranian, go shopping with you, or have family dinners together for our parents. Why is it important to say this on time and firmly? Because if you give in a couple of times out of politeness, and then pull away, the girl starts to think that you’ve stopped loving her. And the fact that you love her is the cornerstone, the primary element, the base and core of your relationship with her. This is something that your woman should never doubt in principle.